The Devil's Lettuce

...that's what I should have called this blog.

Does anybody think about how narcissistic it is to keep a blog? Looking back at all my posts made me realize how vain I am to think that anyone would be interested in MY life...ME ME ME.... I don't think I lead an extremely exciting life, but it's never dull--always some fucking drama. So that's settled, I am a self-proclaimed narcissist* with weird quirks and a loud laugh bordering on irritating. Let's take a look at this cat--it's wearing a Pendleton inspired tribal fleece sweater for fuck sake! Ostentatious doesn't even begin to describe this feline...I'm so pissed it's not mine.

*Side note: Supposedly shame is the underbelly of narcissism, however, I don't believe that I have any shame, nor have I ever, therefore, in my case I think that theory is bullshit.

Middle Distance Runner

Good news for me - I'm not sweating over people's food.... or when I step foot outside.... or in the shower for that matter because it's AUTUMN! There is no better season in my mind, I'm not sad to see the summer go-Fall just kicks ass...

So let's recap some of the exciting things happening in my life:

I'm getting out of this town like Sea Wolf...it's a little bittersweet though because you never know what to expect elsewhere and I'm leaving my family behind but they're all overly encouraging like pushing my ass out the door so...NYC here I come!

Also I got my first pair of Louboutin's (which in a savvy women's life is just f'ing monumental not to mention they're French and fucking hott!)

And....I've been eating more vegetables and had fish as a meal (ahem, red snapper) HUGE! JUST FRICKIN HUGE NEWS! but not giving up the lattes and chocolate in the morning...not doing it *foot is down

I think of so much that I want to add to this blog and now that I'm finally sitting here typing I can't think of a thing...WTF?/!!!!!!

Oh, I'm really into the disco hits of the 70's as of late...I mean I really am getting down to this shit daily - (the bf doesn't know how bad it is...) Disco makes your day so much better, I mean the bass lines are out of control in some of these tunes...so good...and my moves are on FIRE...yeah...that's right...back the F up people!

*I recommend putting Taste of Honey's Boogie Oogie Oogie on right now! DOOO ITTTTTT

Haven't been taking many pics lately...here's a few for your visual enjoyment:

I morph into Robert Smith in the Fall...just seems apropos

Adam's test shoot for 2010 Marc Jacobs tranny line...

Just another day.

Attended a Mad Men theme PARTAY in Brooklyn a couple months ago...dressed up in 50's party gear and it was super super fun

I'd fuck me...

I'm convinced that this blog is strictly an outlet to vent about how much I have sweat this summer...it's a lot...and um I'm very active...and I enjoy sweaty activities and events...and it's August the sweatiest month of the year...and I have a job that involves sweating over people's food and panting as I serve it to them...and I never need to shower because I am self-cleaning with sweat. perfect. (j/k)

Okay moving on - last weekend I was all fecking over the place, let's start with NYC: Needed to get a present for my mom's birthday so I decided to go to Barney's where I just happen to find her one of her favorite perfumes - Patchouli Patch by L'Artisan  , yep she's a frickin hippie, gawd mom. Anyway, got some food and more importantly cocktails then decided to stay over at the Chelsea Hotel because we were feeling very Sid & Nancy (me being Sid of course) and actually stayed in that room. v. nice indeed. 

The next night found me and A driving in many a circle attempting to find a restaurant located at Foxwoods...you see the big misconception here is that Mohegan Sun and Foxwoods is NOT in fact connected nope, they are two separate entities approximately 13 mins. away from one another...why the Indians did that I have no clue and it just made for A getting his panties in a huge wad because we were late (lateness is my mode of operandi so i was cool as a cucumber). Nonetheless, we arrived for his friend Jake's b-day dinner, which was lovely, then we we left and continued driving in circles....good times. 

Then Vermont...just look at the pictures. oh. my. god. 

lobby

when in rome...

Wearing a very large swath of leopard fabric

Par-tay time!

so partying clearly makes me wanna turn A into a hot tranny mess with a dick on his face and faux tear....

...and apparently he really got into it...something to think about...still thinking...

aw fuck it...

mystical twisty tree branch

laaaaamaaaasss!

baby goat butt!

yep totally b&b'd it...

dude these games have been here since I was born...so good especially since I am a board game master.

okay if I didn't include this shot the boy would've cried - these were hand-picked on his majestical walk in the woods before I woke up [insert awwww's]...yeah yeah barf

I really love the way they tied in the plaid curtain's with the blue tree motif wallpaper and pink chair...takes my breath away...

We decided to drive to the top of this mountain and hike...best. trail. evs. 

Clearly the altitude was affecting Adam's brain because he said was looked/felt bloated (looks like me on a skinny day)... really it's any excuse he can give to take off his clothes.

Plotting to kill me...look at that serial killer face..jesus!

This tree was laying horizontally in our path...

still plotting...

whimsy

Paws

Last Sunday I forgot my camera...ventured  to Devil's Den in Westin  (can i just say I have no motivation right now k thanks)...anywayzzz I advise not going until winter time because you will I REPEAT you will get eaten alive by mosquitos...in fact, i think i got malaria or the new strain of the HIVy  or something because I've felt like shit since then...whatevs

    p.s. i hope one day my fam portrait is this good...

     

I love lamp.

ah....the mosquito bites on my legs and my sweet biking short tan lines can only mean one thing: it's not winter.

This sunday's jaunt brought me to Bella's (again) for brunch...an hour or so wait but sooooo worth it...eggs, sausage, pancakes! mmmmm...then naptime because the stress of having to wake up and wait for breakfast wore me out....but then I was good to go and went on a light amble (ahem) up Bluff Head in N. Guilford...thank f'in god Lake Quonipogibogilog er whatever the name is is nearby because after that hike I needed to immerse myself in water immediately...and because we needed to kill some time before dinner in the oh so charming town of Chester we went to the land of unicorns, enchantment and magik...aka...Devil's Hopyard for some more hiking...and then it got sloppy. the end.

pictorial:

dayman ahhhh....fighter of the nightman ahhhh...that jingle just popped in my head

anywayzz

I found this dude hustling at the Lake...can you say ped-o-phile?

look at his jizz stain....i gave the gayface a ride despite 

freshly showered

evil

 fairy's paint in the woods....or it's just a dirty hippie ...whatever

 

magik

mysticism

enchantment

and then the shizz got sloppy but not THIS sloppy...(that's John's classy tail from John and Kate plus ten million kids) 

so that was Sunday...

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar...

Last week the sun decided to kick it up a notch and make me sweats...uf...good thing I decided to chop the shizzz out of my hair...yep shave the sides and give me a faux hawk to complete my lesbian transformation (jk jk jeez). Well my hair stylist, Laura,  is located in Brookyln folks atWoodley & Bunny  it's amazeballs! 

Afterwards met up with my pseudo gay bf and we went frolicking through the streets of the Meatpacking District--- we stayed at the Gansevoort

and coincidentally so was Jared Leto--really Jordan Catalano what happened to you??

and let me tell you how f'in pissed I am that I missed STELLASTAR for the 2ND time...WTF?/!!!! Bought tickets...check...two bands before them...check...so you would think they would go on oh i dont know around 10-1030..NO...waaayyy before then so while they were playing I was stuffing my face with delishnesss and enjoying my cocktails thinking I was running just in time...and you know what was the worst - i overhear this dude on his phone saying "omg, they are SO MUCH BETTER LIVE" that's all i needed to fucking hear...I'm bitter. fucking bitter. but did get a consolation prize, a t-shirt. 

anyways the next day I got the best cappuccino evs...bestest. and then sweated through Central Park for the most part of the day...then off to SOHO to check out Topshop (eh, its alright) and get some shampoo at BLISS! ...then it was time to drive home (and coincidentally it's where i do my best entertaining) ---yeah fell asleep. 

oh here are some pics:

it's confirmed that d-bags love rooftop hotel bars...just sayin

boy is finishing my b-fast

consolation prize

q-tip tree

according to a, this is a spot in central park that most people don't know about, where you can see this statue from behind, however, as we were exiting I swear I saw a gaggle of French girls on their way to that exact spot---how chics from another country found it is beyond me?!?? 

clearly needed chocolate after a long days sweat

It's called drinking chocolate thank you very much

traf

Super amazing smelling is more like it!